"Who needs her? I can take matters into my own hands."

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“It is only with the heart that one sees rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” - The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1945)

Wow! They were right! Masturbating did make me go blind!

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

Soon after the researchers had taught Noodles the orangutan to use sign language, they discovered the poor thing had glaucoma when the first complete sentence he signed was: "I can't see a fucking thing."

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I wanted my half in the middle and I wound up on the edge.

COMING THIS CHRISTMAS: QUENTIN TARANTINO'S OEDIPUS REX!!!

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Life is a lot like getting mugged; you get your kicks, you take your punches, and when it's over, someone else gets your cash.

As the children at the zoo looked on... Bobo motioned "When you do this, God cries."

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- 4 Reel

Eventually, Koko tired of her kitten.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

"I'll just cover my eyes... Good! Now I'll have some privacy."

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"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

Chim-chim was still able to make Pasta Roni with his other foot, thus proving himself to be the superior species.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.