Oh, I've got some barbecue to feed them all right.

The Zone is similar to the Atkins diet in that it limits carb intake. However, it's dissimilar in that its main goal isn't ketosis (the process of metabolizing fat as energy), and also that it's much more regimented. On the Atkins diet, I'm not watching fat, protein, calories, or even caring about the difference between good and bad carbs. All I do is stay under 20 g of carbs a day, which keeps my body in ketosis, which naturally burns my fat as energy. So naturally in fact, I've now lost 85 pounds in 8 months, and haven't exercised once.

Now imagine that when bad things happen you feel miserable and when good things happen you feel miserable. You get fired, you're sad. You get promoted, you're sad. What you're describing ("Everybody gets bummed out about stuff") is called event depression. You can take your finger out of its holster and point it at the event that caused the depression. Event depression is usually the quickest to subside, not that that makes it feels any better.

But clinical depression (major depression, chronic depression, etc.) is specifically defined by the inability to feel pleasure out of things you once took pleasure in. A clinically depressed person isn't both happy and sad and trying to medicate the sad away; a cllnically depressed person can't feel happy.

In bunnerspeak, how much does that suck, yo?

Does the disgruntled ex-shrink have an opinion on a medicine strategy to treat someone with both A-typical depression (no sadness, just the inability to feel pleasure) and ADD? I'm currently taking an SSRI (Zoloft) + a psychostimulant (Adderall), but since I'm a big guy, I have to take a high dosage of the psychostimulant for it to reach efficacy. Since there's so little research into the long term use of psychostimulants, I'm thinking about switching to a different med strategy. I'm specifically looking into:[list][*]SNRI (Serotonin and Noradrenaline Reuptake Inhibitor (5-HT and DA modifier)) - Such as Venlafaxine

[*]Dopaminergic - Such as Ritalin or Survector

[*]NARI (Noradrenaline Reuptake Inhibitor) - Such as Reboxetine or Atomoxetine

[*]NaSSa (NorAdrenaline and Selective Serotonin Antidepressent(Alpha2-inhibitor and 5-HT1A, 5-HT2, and 5-HT3 agonist)) - Such as Mirtazapine

[*]Or some combination such as:[list][*]Dopaminergic with an NARI - Such as Ritalin + Atomoxetine[*]Dopaminergic with an SSRI (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor) - Such as Ritalin + Zoloft
[*]Dopaminergic with an SNRI - Such as Ritalin + Venlafaxine
[*]NARI with an SSRI - Such as Atomoxetine + Zoloft[/list][/list]

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

[quote]Now imagine that when bad things happen you feel miserable and when good things happen you feel
miserable. You get fired, you're sad. You get promoted, you're sad. What you're describing ("Everybody gets bummed out about stuff") is called event depression...But clinical depression (major depression, chronic depression, etc.) is specifically defined by the inability to feel pleasure out of things you once took pleasure in. A clinically depressed person isn't both happy and sad and trying to medicate the sad away; a clinically depressed person can't feel happy.

In bunnerspeak, how much does that suck, yo?[/quote]

Exactly. In bunnerspeak, "The only option that's ever been open to me is to just keep going or check out. It's not what I want, but I don't lose sight of my dreams or my passions and the things that I DO want"

A clinically depressed person is incapable of just keeping going, they wouldn't mind checking out at all.
They do lose sight of their dreams, passions, zeal for life, even who they are. And there isn't a damn thing they can do about it. It's far more than
pulling themselves up by their bootstraps because they're just feeling sorry for themselves.
I don't think we're being told that if we're not constantly happy, that we're in need of drugs. But the fact remains that if someone is clinically depressed long enough, their brain chemistry does become imbalanced. No amount of sucking it up and hanging tough is going to balance the seratonin, dopamine, etc. or fix the neurotransmitters blah blah blah... but proper medications, eating and sleeping right, avoiding addictive substances, sunlight, and exercise can.

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“It is only with the heart that one sees rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” - The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1945)

Yes. Pork the cheerleaders.

Ha ha ha. But seriously, I don't mean I earned an MD, just that I was a psycho-the-rapist at the Master's level. I did independent grad coursework on psychopharmacology and worked closely with psychiatrists for years, but it would be grossly irresponsible of me to preface my remarks with any but the following disclaimer: "Use of the information here provided will result in your death."

That said, many people who take antidepressants, especially SSRI's, complain of anhedonia (can't feel pleasure). IOW, perversely, it could be a side effect of the very meds you're taking to treat it. It might even be listed as a side effect on that yard-long brochure they're supposed to give you with the Rx. Also, if yours is an anxious depression, a good doctor might hesitate to prescribe an SSRI.

For ADD, amphetamines and their look-alikes (e.g., dex, Ritalin) are supposed to work. Believe it or not, you might even get some results with Sudafed, though again, if you're anxious or tend toward high blood pressure, your doctor might tell you to avoid any of those.

But before I started messing around with my own serotonin, the very first thing I would do is get an endocrinologist and have a look at my thyroid function, especially if I tended toward lethargy and overweight. It sounds like you're on top of the medical thing, so I risk stating the obvious here, but: ENDOCRINOLOGIST.

So let's move now from the obvious to the really obvious. If you sat down in my office (assuming my office was in the Phoenix area, and I was still a therapist), and you told me you were depressed, I would ask about certain things:

* Daily activities-- are you working like a 9-5 job or anything? Work sucks but somehow it cheers people up.

* Social supports-- who do you talk to every day? Do you have family, girlfriend, roommate, friends, work buddies, that sort of thing? If not, well, let's think twice about sticking a screwdriver into your synaptic gaps until we see if some socializing cheers you up. Sounds glib of me, maybe, but if you're new in town and all, that can suck major ass.

* Self-care-- food and all that. Skipping meals can literally make a person crazy.

...and so on. I'd also ask about precipitating events-- major life changes, losses, etc.

I'm not trying to interview you in public, so please don't feel as if you have to answer all these stupid questions. I'm just saying what the disgruntled ex-shrink would ask you if you were in his care. Also, I'd refer you to, like, real doctors and stuff.

:-)

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What others say about boorite!

I'm not sure but I think Sudafed is dangerous for your heart. I've only used it for sinus problems on rare occasions.

If you're a heart patient, it's dangerous for your heart. Otherwise, pretty benign. You're not supposed to take like 10 of them, though.

Anything with phenylpropanolamine (another very common decongestant) actually is dangerous-- or rather, the margin of safety is much narrower. Hypertensive crisis with about 3x the recommended dosage. I don't like the stuff.

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What others say about boorite!

Well, let me qualify that. Any sympathomimetic is toxic to cardiac tissue, if I recall rightly. I mean in the long run. Even sympathetic nervous system arousal (i.e., fear, anger) tears up your heart. That's how stress kills you. But it's not quite right to say that Sudafed(tm) is dangerous for your heart. That makes it sound like you take it and have a heart attack, which isn't true. That's only true of PPA-containing products like AlkaSeltzer Plus.

Haha! just kidding! Any Alka Seltzer reps reading this, please don't sue me! Haha!

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What others say about boorite!

Likewise, don't feel required to be my personal disgruntled ex-shrink and read my posts and respond. I realize I prattle some, but it's because the field of psychology interests me, my awareness really interests me, and well, I'm a verbose fuck. (Page down for proof.)

Well that sucks big ass. A couple of weeks ago I finally discovered the one word that could describe my depression: anhedonia. I'm not sad, like most depressed people, I just can't feel pleasure. Nothing interests me, excites me, or motivates me because I don't get pleasure out of things. That'll be a big factor when deciding on the next meds.

Why's that? I do have a large anxiety component to my depression (mostly precipatory anxiety), but it seems to go away on Zoloft and return when I stop taking it.

Boy is that an understatement. :) When I hit a certain dosage of Adderall it was like a fog lifted. It was like up to that moment I had been watching my life on the TV and suddenly I wasn't. It helps me to concentrate, and allows me to get pleasure out of things. Unfortunately, it also worsens my anxiety.

That's the crux of my dilemma -- For anxiety, people usually get prescribed a sedative or an SSRI. For concentration problems people usually get prescribed a stimulant, dopaminergic, or an SSRI. For anhedonia, people usually get prescribed an SSRI, or a dopaminergic. So, if:[list][*]I take a sedative for my anxiety, I'll be hurting my concentration
[*]I take a stimulant for my concentration, I'll be hurting my anxiety
[*]An SSRI looks like a good choice, but though it helps my anxiety, it does nothing for my concentration, and little for my anhedonia.
[*]A dopaminergic seems like a good choice for my anhedonia and concentration, but I've never heard of a dopaminergic being used to treat anxiety. (Have you?)
[*]The NARIs are really new (I don't even think there's one out yet, though Eli Lilly's Atomoxetine is *expected* to have FDA approval by the end of the year), so not much research exists on them. I've had such amazing results with the psychostimulants though, which (I believe) influences noradrenaline (which itself influences dopamine), that I really want to give the new Noradrenaline drugs (NARIs, SNRIs, NaSSas) a shot.[/list]
Adderall helps my concentration and mood IMENSELY, but at 120 mg a day. This is pretty high, but on a mg/kg basis still within recommended dosages since I weigh a small buffalo. However, since Adderall is made up of 4 amphetamine salts (Dextroamphetamine Saccharate, Amphetamine Aspartate, Dextroamphetamine Sulfate, and Amphetamine Sulfate) I'm wondering if the reason my dosage is so high is because just one (or two) of those salts is really what's helping my mood and my concentration. If so, then if I just take one of those salts (such as Dextroamphetamine), my required dosage will drop.

Also, I've noticed that the required dose of Adderall to attain the same mood effects (but not concentration effects) lowers when I'm off the Zoloft, which makes sense now that I know that SSRIs have a tendency towards anhedonia. Maybe then it's just a matter of taking enough SSRIs to curb anxiety and psychostimulants to overcome the anhedonia exacerbated by the SSRIs. That's pretty much what I'm doing right now with 200mg Zoloft a day and 120mg AdderallXR a day. It works great, though inconsistently. I'd try to iron out the inconsistencies rather than explore new drugs if it wasn't for my concern over long-term psychostimulant use.

I'm glad you did. I've always had a problem with my weight (I've probably lost 30 or more pounds 5 times in my life just to gain it back and more) and I finally decided to have my thyroid checked after an insanely fast weight gain. (200 pounds in 3 years.) The results came back that my thyroid was fine, however. I was really surprised by that, so maybe my HMO screwed up the test, maybe the test itself wasn't specific enough, or maybe my thyroid is fine. Regardless, this time I'll let an endocrinoligist decide. Any recommendations on what they should test for? (To test for anhedonia and lethargy more than weight gain, since I'm finally getting a handle on the latter.)

[quote]If you sat down in my office (assuming my office was in the Phoenix area, and I was still a therapist), and you told me you were depressed, I would ask about certain things:

* Daily activities-- are you working like a 9-5 job or anything?...

* Social supports-- who do you talk to every day?...

* Self-care-- food and all that.[/quote]I don't mind answering these, but I don't think they factor in. My depression isn't the sad variety, it's the anhedonic type. I know the difference because I used to have the sad, suicidal type. Then my daily activities, and social supports (and self-care as an indicator) did contribute to my depression, not causually, but sustaining it.

But now, it just isn't true. I can't feel pleasure no matter what my daily activities. (I have the same emotional response to going to school as to going on vacation.) I am pretty happy with my social supports to in that I never feel something's missing. I have a couple of friends in town, family in the area, and all you cyber friends. I want to meet a buddy in town who digs computers like I do. (I'm just getting into tweaking, programming, cracking, hacking, and the like, a grouping I've affectionately named Bone Throwing.) But I've always made friends easily because of my sense of humor, so that's not a problem. As for self-care, I've lost 85 pounds, quit smoking, quit chewing, quit caffeine, quit carbonated drinks, and dropped 24 points in cholesterol, all in less than 10 months. My self-care 10 months ago was ass. Now, it rocks.

Not that I don't have issues. I'm overly compettitive, always looking ahead or behind rather than being in the moment, a pain avoider rather than a pleasure seeker (or rather than a combination), I care WAY too much what people think about me, I'm passive aggressive, and I tend to change how I remember an event if it makes me appear in a better light. So I have issues, but all are realized and being worked on.

So mine is the two-barrel approach proven most effective - I'm working on my ideation process and I'm getting medicine. It's just difficutlt to find a medicine (or combination of medicines) that treat concurrent anhedonia, concentration, and anxiety since the medicine that normally helps one of these, hurts another.

I'm seriously not as fucked up as I sound. :)

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

[quote]Exactly. In bunnerspeak, "The only option that's ever been open to me is to just keep going or check out. It's not what I want, but I don't lose sight of my dreams or my passions and the things that I DO want"

A clinically depressed person is incapable of just keeping going, they wouldn't mind checking out at all.
They do lose sight of their dreams, passions, zeal for life, even who they are. And there isn't a damn thing they can do about it. It's far more than
pulling themselves up by their bootstraps because they're just feeling sorry for themselves.
I don't think we're being told that if we're not constantly happy, that we're in need of drugs. But the fact remains that if someone is clinically depressed long enough, their brain chemistry does become imbalanced. No amount of sucking it up and hanging tough is going to balance the seratonin, dopamine, etc. or fix the neurotransmitters blah blah blah... but proper medications, eating and sleeping right, avoiding addictive substances, sunlight, and exercise can.[/quote]

If you look carefully, you might see the part where I wrote: "I certainly think that, if one thinks they may suffer from this condition, that they {should} take measures to have it remedied" or "If you are consistenly, insufferably miserable at inappropriate times, and it's medical or chemical, get help."

Then again, I don't think that most people here pay attention to the fact that I am, more often than not, given to qualifying my statements on any topic. It seems people here would rather view me as some sort of quasi-literate, insensitive extremist. And it's beginning to get on my tits, you know? I am not a stereotype. Maybe if you would read what I write without prejudice, you might find a broader scope, and a more balanced set of ideas in what I write than you -apparently- assume that I have to offer. What I was doing was making a statement about one sort of depression, the sort I understand, and fishing for enlightening replies as to the difference between them. Not hanging my shingle on either. For every clinically depressed person in this world, there are probably 3 whiney, lazy wankers who fit into the category I described quite well. I am not a shoe salsemen, and anybody that read "if the shoe fits" into that was incandescantly mistaken. Thank you.

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I wanted my half in the middle and I wound up on the edge.

ObiJo, you would post such an involved reply when I'm just about to leave for four days! Well, in brief, it sure does sound like you're on top of the situation. I know what you mean about the meds dilemma. I'd probably love SSRIs if I weren't anxious or maybe tricyclics if I weren't sleepy, but.... so I don't take either. I'm not at all qualified to get into all the pharmacokinetics and what's appropriate for this or that, but anyhow, it sounds like you've got family and friends and you're taking good care of yourself. Wish I could address your post in more detail.... shit!

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What others say about boorite!

Not me. I think you're more of a Reagan Youth Nazi Apologist.

Hahahaha! Don't I know just how to lighten things up?

Seriously, I was nodding at a lot of what you said, bunner, but for some reason, as I've learned firsthand, people get their backs up whenever this topic is discussed. In fact, I thought I'd be the first to be addressed in arch tones. Better you than me. Anyway, I just wanted to say I pretty much agreed with you, and now it's time for me to go away for some days.

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What others say about boorite!

You probably know this, but just in case I want to say that my response was intended to explain what my depression is like and how it's distinguishable from the everyday blues. It was in response to your post that I read as sincerely curious, and not accusatory. I take your opinion absolutely seriously; you don't bullshit or play games.

You probably knew that, but just in case.

I told you not to feel obligated to write back! You fuck!

Just writing it out really does help me. Also, the SSRI-anhedonia link and the endicronologist suggestion were invaluable.

That shit about consuming the flesh of the prolitereate was a little fucked up, though.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

[quote][quote]Exactly. In bunnerspeak, "The only option that's ever been open to me is to just keep going or check out. It's not what I want, but I don't lose sight of my dreams or my passions and the things that I DO want"

A clinically depressed person is incapable of just keeping going, they wouldn't mind checking out at all.
They do lose sight of their dreams, passions, zeal for life, even who they are. And there isn't a damn thing they can do about it. It's far more than
pulling themselves up by their bootstraps because they're just feeling sorry for themselves.
I don't think we're being told that if we're not constantly happy, that we're in need of drugs. But the fact remains that if someone is clinically depressed long enough, their brain chemistry does become imbalanced. No amount of sucking it up and hanging tough is going to balance the seratonin, dopamine, etc. or fix the neurotransmitters blah blah blah... but proper medications, eating and sleeping right, avoiding addictive substances, sunlight, and exercise can.[/quote]

If you look carefully, you might see the part where I wrote: "I certainly think that, if one thinks they may suffer from this condition, that they {should} take measures to have it remedied" or "If you are consistenly, insufferably miserable at inappropriate times, and it's medical or chemical, get help."

Then again, I don't think that most people here pay attention to the fact that I am, more often than not, given to qualifying my statements on any topic. It seems people here would rather view me as some sort of quasi-literate, insensitive extremist. And it's beginning to get on my tits, you know? I am not a stereotype. Maybe if you would read what I write without prejudice, you might find a broader scope, and a more balanced set of ideas in what I write than you -apparently- assume that I have to offer. What I was doing was making a statement about one sort of depression, the sort I understand, and fishing for enlightening replies as to the difference between them. Not hanging my shingle on either. For every clinically depressed person in this world, there are probably 3 whiney, lazy wankers who fit into the category I described quite well. I am not a shoe salsemen, and anybody that read "if the shoe fits" into that was incandescantly mistaken. Thank you.[/quote]

I thought pita was just offering a difference between the kind of depression you were describing and clinical depression. I didn't see anything antagonistic there.

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

[quote][quote]Exactly. In bunnerspeak, "The only option that's ever been open to me is to just keep going or check out. It's not what I want, but I don't lose sight of my dreams or my passions and the things that I DO want"

A clinically depressed person is incapable of just keeping going, they wouldn't mind checking out at all.
They do lose sight of their dreams, passions, zeal for life, even who they are. And there isn't a damn thing they can do about it. It's far more than
pulling themselves up by their bootstraps because they're just feeling sorry for themselves.
I don't think we're being told that if we're not constantly happy, that we're in need of drugs. In addition, bunnerabb is a stereotypical tile-hanging accusatory quasi-literate insensitive extremist shoe salesman! But the fact remains that if someone is clinically depressed long enough, their brain chemistry does become imbalanced. No amount of sucking it up and hanging tough is going to balance the seratonin, dopamine, etc. or fix the neurotransmitters blah blah blah... but proper medications, eating and sleeping right, avoiding addictive substances, sunlight, and exercise can.[/quote]I thought pita was just offering a difference between the kind of depression you were describing and clinical depression. I didn't see anything antagonistic there.[/quote]See no evil, huh ya little monkey?

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

Ronald Reagan was a doddering, monkey-fucking, dangerous old fool. His wife was a frigid martinette, and he sold the entire middle class economy to Mexico. Let HIM apologise.

Yeah... any time I feel that I'm being slighted or having my statements miscontrued, it's usually in my best interest to say something like "Yeah, it's probably my fault" and fuck off.

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I wanted my half in the middle and I wound up on the edge.

I was going to post this in the big-ass geek thread, but it looks like this thread could use a light touch.

http://microgravity.grc.nasa.gov/balloon/blob.htm

Some of my best friends are depressed. I try not to take it personal.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

Is this a euphemism for "I took lots of acid in grad school"?

"A library is a growing organism."-Ranganathan
"But does it have to breathe so loudly?"- Boorite tripping in class.

help me, I'm making Library Science jokes again. and Boorite's not even gonna be around to appreciate, er, read, them.

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When they invent BookFace, I'm -there-.

[quote]Well, let me qualify that. Any sympathomimetic is toxic to cardiac tissue, if I recall rightly. I mean in the long run. Even sympathetic nervous system arousal (i.e., fear, anger) tears up your heart. That's how stress kills you. But it's not quite right to say that Sudafed(tm) is dangerous for your heart. That makes it sound like you take it and have a heart attack, which isn't true. That's only true of PPA-containing products like AlkaSeltzer Plus.

Haha! just kidding! Any Alka Seltzer reps reading this, please don't sue me! Haha![/quote]

I'm seriously allergic to pseudoephdrine, one of the decongestants in most over-the-counter cold remedies. So I think it's the ephedrines that can cause heart problems, no? For me it causes breathing problems, and severe rash in places not frequently visited lately. So, if you ever want to off me, they sell pseudoephedrine alone in capsules over-the-counter.
By the way, boo, you probably would rather chew off your own foot than become our resident psychiatrist, but you do know what you're talking about! : )

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“It is only with the heart that one sees rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” - The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1945)

I'm on Zoloft, it's working wonders for me. I think if you already respond so well to it, why change? Take what works. My personal opinion is that I've been able to function so much better, my whole outlook has changed for the better, and I've no less ability to feel pleasure on a small dose of it. (50mg daily) For me, it's more calming-my-nerves effect, making me more easygoing, sometimes even nonchalant, but I'm not experiencing anhedonia. Maybe you could cut down your dosage a little. Granted, 50mg is a drop in the bucket for someone my weight, and 200mg is standard. Ask your doctor about possibly cutting back slowly.

You mean watching your life on a hundred TVs, don't you? ; )

[quote] Unfortunately, it also worsens my anxiety.
now with 200mg Zoloft a day and 120mg AdderallXR a day. It works great, though inconsistently. I'd try to iron out the inconsistencies rather than explore new drugs if it wasn't for my concern over long-term psychostimulant use.[/quote]
I'm not sure, but doesn't Wellbutrin take care of many of those things (anxiety, depression, even ADD)?

I wanted to say here that I truly admire you for recognizing the tendency toward being passive / aggressive and possibly having 'selective amnesia'. Most people are not honest enough to recognize it in themselves, let alone state it in a forum!

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“It is only with the heart that one sees rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” - The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1945)

I'm on Zoloft, it's working wonders for me. I think if you already respond so well to it, why change? Take what works. My personal opinion is that I've been able to function so much better, my whole outlook has changed for the better, and I've no less ability to feel pleasure on a small dose of it. (50mg daily) For me, it's more calming-my-nerves effect, making me more easygoing, sometimes even nonchalant, but I'm not experiencing anhedonia. Maybe you could cut down your dosage a little. Granted, 50mg is a drop in the bucket for someone my weight, and 200mg is standard. Ask your doctor about possibly cutting back slowly.[/quote]I was taking 100mg a day for a couple of months and that seemed to work pretty well. My doc titrated me up to 200mg because I told him my anxiety was better, but not my concentration. I tried 200mg a day for a week or so but scared myself back down to the 100mg dosage with the Stepford scenario I talked about before. I never told the doc this so I could continue getting prescribed 200mg a day, while only taking 100mg a day, and cut my prescription $ in half. (Breaking the law, breaking the law.) Three weeks ago, I finally did titrate myself up to 200mg to see if it helped my anhedonia, concentration, or anxiety better than 100mg does. I'm going to give it a couple more weeks to reach efficacy and then decide which works better, especially with reference to anhedonia now that I know that link.

You mean watching your life on a hundred TVs, don't you? ; )[/quote]Yes, and they were all playing Who's the Boss?, GODDAMNIT.

Though it is true: it's like having multiple TVs on. I use the term Underthinking to describe it. I often think two thoughts concurrently, one subconsciously and one consciously. It's a layered thinking process who's upshot is my not being able to give either any real attention and leads to a fog.

[quote][quote] Unfortunately, it also worsens my anxiety.
now with 200mg Zoloft a day and 120mg AdderallXR a day. It works great, though inconsistently. I'd try to iron out the inconsistencies rather than explore new drugs if it wasn't for my concern over long-term psychostimulant use.[/quote]
I'm not sure, but doesn't Wellbutrin take care of many of those things (anxiety, depression, even ADD)?[/quote]I tried Wellbutrin, and though I was able to hit high enough doses to curb my smoking cravings, when I tried to go up to doses the doc prescribed for concentration, I got too bad of headaches and had to quit it.

I wanted to say here that I truly admire you for recognizing the tendency toward being passive / aggressive and possibly having 'selective amnesia'. Most people are not honest enough to recognize it in themselves, let alone state it in a forum![/quote]Thank you very much. It's a conscious effort to try to open up more and be less guarded. As I've mentioned, I've always been a big approval whore, always trying to look good in front of others. (Probably stemming from the fact that my mom is one of those people that really doesn't want to look bad in front of the neighbors and my dad was always a joking life-of-the-party type.) So I've always tried to put on a show myself so people will like me. This leads to low self-esteem (I have to put on a show or people won't like me) as well as preventing any real relationships. No real relationships because if I don't open up and be myself, people I know don't really have a relationship with me, but with the self-portrait of myself that I portray.

So I'm making a conscious effort to open up and be honest. And slowly but surely it's working.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

That's too bad. I liked you before I got to know the real you better. Now I hate your guts.

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

I'm drunk as a skunk. More later. Probably tomorrow. Whooo!!!!

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

I'll have what the fuzzy sumbitch on the floor is having.

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I wanted my half in the middle and I wound up on the edge.

[Click to view comic: 'Whooo!!!!']

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

Hah! I end up Catholic.

Not likely.

Truth be told I am in the interview process for a new job. And now it seems I am in a horserace between myself and someone more laid back... and the wife said I was stressing and that I needed a drink... and I suppose I took that suggestion a bit too far. Three double-scotches later and I am a VERY relaxed fuzzyman.

Phone interview tomorrow to prove that I am laid back.... maybe I should show 'em my Tobor series.... hahahaaha

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.