[18:06:24] besides, this way it looks like I really DIDN'T give you a high-five in the back of that van

[note: message edited by brad to conceal the truth]

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

Brad likes to give high-fives to lots of people. At once. Man, if you could see how far down his arm he can take a hand, you'd understand why people call him "The High-Five Man"

[note: modified by brad to continue a joke that will never die.

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.